I want to be on the beach right now, sipping on a chilled glass of champagne, while flipping through a magazine as I take in the sun rays. But, I am home thinking about what is going on the world right now. I have so many thoughts running through my mind. I’ll admit, sometimes when I become overwhelmed, I just shut down…or book a vacation.
Emotional Intelligence
Since I’m just sitting at home, I decided to take an online incentive webinar to earn some extra money for our HSA (Health Saving Account), and there were many classes to choose from. I immediately picked a class on emotional intelligence. Psychology Today defines emotional intelligence as the ability to identify and manage one’s own emotions, as well as the emotions of others. Well, my emotions have been out of whack lately and I’m too tired or frustrated to really talk to anyone else about how they are feeling, so maybe I’ll learn something in this webinar. I’m so “tired”, that my body is out of whack. Stress is real. When the mind is stressed, the body can react in all kinds of crazy ways, and my body happened to give me severe back pain for the last two days.
Plagued
We all know what is going in the world. Besides the world being plagued by COVID-19, the United States is also being plagued by racism. I am so hurt because of the killing of George Floyd. My emotions went from hurt to anger to rage. I probably should not have watched the video. That is really what did it for me. I definitely should not have watched that video. Since I’ve seen it, I’ve felt so much tension in my body. I’ve been trying to find ways to release it.
Where Do I Go From Here?
Last year, I would have just booked a long weekend trip away to a beach (preferably out of the country), to pretend whatever is happening right now is not my problem. As a matter of fact, I definitely would have been packing for a trip, as June is vacation month for us anyway. But now I have to literally sit here and face the grim reality. It’s everywhere…social media, the radio, news, text messages, phone calls, signs, sirens and simple reminders. It’s a reality that I can’t escape, and it is weighing on me.
Searching for Comfort
I started going around my house (I mean where else am I going to go?) looking for comfort. So, went to my bookshelf and pulled out some of the books my mom wrote. Her words in the books were very comforting to me, but they were also very telling of the world we live in. Although the books she wrote were written almost 20 years ago, you would think she wrote them this year. This again fueled my anger. But as I kept reading, I started thinking. How can I help? What can I do? Friends were already circulating and regurgitating everything I’d already seen or heard…so now what?
I did what I always do, and started creating. I went from writing, to sketching, to computer art…I was up until sunrise one morning…just making up stuff…honestly, some not very good…but it was comforting for me.
Do Your Part
I am fortunate to be surrounded by many friends of all races that are already doing what they can to support and bring awareness to the racism that is still happening in the U.S. It has taken generations to reach a level of “equality” that some feel comfortable with. But then the killing of George Floyd serves as a reminder that we still have a ways to go, and there is still a lot of mess to clean up in our broken system.
Mess Around US
Look at the world
Just look at it
The U.S. in particular
Is going to shit
Just the other day
Another black man shot
He’s not the first or the last
Don’t think we forgot
With the pandemic already on our mind
The racist cops decided to cross the line
They committed a murder right in our face
Over something as simple as a black man’s race
The anger. The fear.
The questions. The tears.
How long will this racism last?
It’s been too many years
I understand racism never really stopped
We’re just seeing it more
Because we’re recording
The Karens and cops
Look at the world
And the mess that we’re in
The protest and violence…
Is this our only means to an end?
The news just said
Covid is the biggest killer
But in my mind
I beg to differ
There are so many disparities
With the U.S. system
They make it hard for the black race
And then wonder why we resist ’em
To the human beings who have no heart
You’ve inspired me even more…to do my part
We all can do something to make others aware
Keep protesting, creating, and posting your share
I honestly don’t know what all it will take
But it’s definitely not that fool
Hollering to make America great
I can’t stop thinking
About the mess around US
What will it take for people to see?
There still is NO equality.
….
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